Evening Walk | Sept 06 2020

Evening walk was great despite that the mosquitoes are still brutal. This season has been very strange. I’ve felt stretched in what I use to think was trusting God- what I use to think was walking blindly in faith. I’m in Memphis. In whiplash of Covids effects globally and personally, I’ve found myself living with a best friend I never thought I would get to share a home with- I’m reading more than I ever have (it’s not a lot, but it’s better than my a book a year track record.) I’m still in a nomadic mindset, trying not to dig my uplifting roots to deep, but they are desperate for security. My new move date is January 2020; I’m *trying* to hold that promise lightly in my hands. In full transparency, I have no idea what I’m doing right now. I have weddings back to back half of September and all of October. I’m going to be gone for training all of November and half of December, and with a turn of events, I will spend my birthday and holidays with my family. I think the western church in many ways creates an “other” mentality when referring to Africa/Asia/Europe as “the field” and “overseas”. It’s ironic having grown up “overseas” calling America “overseas”. It’s all relative, isn’t it? I can confidently say living in the States - in Memphis during a pandemic, quarantine, protests - and all during an election year has been more spiritually and emotionally challenging. With all this unexpected time alone - time with the least amount of work in my life, I’ve really had a look at myself. I wasn’t surprised to find pride, bitterness, and fear greeting me in the mirror- they are old friends (that I wish weren’t invited to the party.) I did however discover apathy, doubt, deeper levels of insecurity, a lot of impatience, and throws of self-importance. It’s been a season of gardening, and whew, I hate weeding physically and metaphorically. It’s become clearer than ever how important pruning is and that the work is never done. The weeds regrow- the pests seem to always sneak through your fences. I’m overwhelmingly grateful for this time I’ve gained (even though I rarely feel like expressing it) because I’ve found myself even deeper in relationship with my friends.