Series: Going Back | To Love a TCK | Guest Writer: Sara Beth Pritchard
As I started brainstorming possible posts for this series, I thought about the other perspective. The non-TCK perspective. I reached out to one of my longest friends, and asked if she would be willing to write what its like to be best friends with a TCK. I’m so honored by all of her words. I hope this makes others feel normal in their abnormality, makes TCK’s feel known, makes best friends feel seen and heard, and maybe helps others know how to be friends with TCKs as we rummage through our stories.
“When Emily first asked me to write this blog post, I was hit with many emotions as I said, “YES! Of course!” I was honored that she asked me to write about this - to write about something that is so defining in her life and that she thought that I could see into all of that and give others a glimpse into what that looks like. It also terrified me. Ha.
If I’m being honest, sometimes it’s hard for me to know exactly how to love Em best, simply because her life and struggles and joys have often looked different than mine. As long as I’ve known Em and as well as I know Em, her life has not looked like mine. Emily is a Third Culture Kid. And as very very very similar as we are, there are things I won’t ever fully understand about her, and she could say the same thing about me.
But, deep deep down in the kind of way that I hope we all have felt with someone in our lives, there is a deeper understanding. An understanding and love that surpasses all the things that you just don’t understand. And I think that is what is special about any friendship, really.
We all have things. We’ve all faced things that no one knows about or at least no one has understood. There are trillions of little moments that have shaped us and defined us and made us who we are. Some moments are bigger than others. There are trillions of little moments that have made Em who she is. But her childhood, her confusion when she thinks of what the word “home” means to her, growing up eating the best food ever (in my opinion), the dozens and dozens of airports and goodbyes, the challenge of schooling and learning in 2 languages, the feeling of not fitting in, busy streets with beautiful people, amazing cultural experiences, frankly some amazing adventures by American standards, incredible confidence and independence thanks to her unique upbringing, and her empathy for those that are thrown into an unfamiliar culture...are all things that make her Em. Trillions of tiny little moments have made her who she is. Have made her the Em that I call one of my absolute best friends, remember seeing during childhood summers, sharing our birthdays , crying over facetime with, dreaming with, and loving so much it hurts sometimes. Her personality, her memories, her mindset, her emotions, how she processes things, how she loves others, and the list goes on, are all the things impacted by her unique ethnicity. And yes, I know she’s white. I know, and she knows what her ethnicity is, technically. But if we were to dig deep down into Emily’s heart, we would see there’s a lot more than that. Some of those things she is proud of and she wears them on her chest. Other things are difficult to process, embarrassing, or confusing, and she keeps them to herself.
It can be complex, and I think that’s why Em wanted me give a little insight. I want to tell you what it’s like to love and know a TCK...and in my case, Emily Frazier.
According to the Official Emily Frazier Definition, a TCK is an individual who is raised between multiple cultures in many of their developing years, thus not being shaped or developed by just one. This can include military kids, immigrant children, expats, missionary kids as well as adoptees. I know a few TCKs and I think they have so much to offer and it’s really beautiful. I honestly wish we all had a bit of TCKness in us. We could all use a little more empathy, a little more diversity, a little more cultural appreciation...
To me, to love any friend includes a lot of different beautiful and messy aspects. Loving a TCK friend is no different than loving anybody else with all their mess and memories and past and personality. We all have different things that make us who we are, like I talked about before. But in my experience of loving Em, who has one aspect of herself that is being a Third Culture Kid, these are a few things I’ve learned about what it means to love a TCK:
To love a TCK is to know they’ll have immense empathy for anyone that finds themselves immersed in a culture that’s not their own.
To love a TCK is to love someone who probably processes things a bit differently than you do. To love a TCK is to know that compassion for others of different races and backgrounds and cultures usually comes pretty naturally to them.
To love a TCK is to listen when they share memories of what their life looked like in their childhood or in the past, often in broken up and disconnected ways (that disconnect often being the atlantic ocean and airport terminals).
To love a TCK is to know that for your one-culture mind, the stories of their childhood often sound like a really awesome movie, but for your friend, it was really just their life and it had hardship and pain just like any other.
To love a TCK is to know that they may not fit into any of your constructed “categories” for what you subconsciously put people into. In other words, they don’t really fit into any contextual mold - and that is special and beautiful and difficult and challenging and ok.
To love a TCK is to know that it’s ok for you not to completely understand.
To love a TCK is to know that they might not completely understand...and that’s ok too.
To love a TCK is to send that friend off back to one of their home countries for a few weeks, feeling as if you can almost feel the nervousness and excitement that friend feels about going back to the place she used to call home. To love a TCK is to pray fervently for that friend that they experience comfort, adventure, and joy going back to that country. To love a TCK is to know that sometimes goodbyes aren’t just something that they have to do…to love a TCK is to have to say goodbye sometimes too.” - Sara Beth Pritchard
